Self-sabotage is when you undermine your own goals or values.
You make a plan.
You’re all in.
But then all of a sudden it feels like you keep putting massive roadblocks in your way.
Yours might show up as: procrastination, chronic lateness, stress eating, continuing to engage in unhelpful habits etc.
Why is it that you engage in behaviours that will stop you from achieving your goals? How does this make any sense? I understand if you’re confused. You might even feel frustrated because you’ve been trying to stop this self-sabotage for a while.
Not all self-sabotage is conscious so if you don’t know how you self-sabotage you need to first create awareness around how ‘you do self-sabotage’.
From here you can apply this 5-step process to finally stop, so you can achieve what you desire and deserve.
Step 1: What need does it fulfil?
Before you can undo an unhealthy behaviour (self-sabotage) you have to understand how it serves you. “What need does the self-sabotage fulfil”? E.g. you might be stress eating when you’re anxious and it helps you relax…
Step 2: Replace with new behaviour
Once you’ve identified the need the self-sabotage fulfils you want to replace the unhelpful behaviour with a new behaviour that fulfils the same need. Ask yourself: “What different behaviour could fill this need?”
Step 3: Practice new behaviour and plan for bad conditions
Even if you have self-awareness around your self-sabotage, you know what need it fulfils and you’ve created a new behaviour there will be conditions and situations that are likely to make you fall back to your old behaviour. Try and PLAN for these circumstances so you already know what you will do when you find yourself in these situations.
Step 4: Build resilience
You’ll feel uncomfortable at times when negative emotions emerge so it’s important to build your resilience to cope with negative feelings at times.
Find situations in your life where this emotion occurs in smaller doses and aim to tolerate it when it comes up.
Step 5: Get clear on your goals and values
Self-sabotage feels shit because you’re pretty much steering away from your goals. The clearer you get on your purpose, intentions, goals and vision and the more connected you feel to your bigger picture the easier it will be to integrate the new behaviour. Finally, make sure to link the new behaviour to your goals and values.
“How does this new behaviour help me achieve my goals?” Direct your energy and focus towards creating your bigger picture.